The Grateful Autistic

The thoughts of a reborn woman.

Experiences of being proud to be AUTISTIC and TRANSGENDER while losing my religious faith and discovering spiritual freedom.

Words of love and gratitude and life in the wonderful city of Newcastle Upon Tyne.

Thursday, 5 December 2013

Psalm Workshop

Before the summer, a few weeks after I started to attend MCC, the church ran a psalm writing workshop.  Several of us gathered one Saturday morning and we each wrote psalms - mainly in words but also in pictures.  My first attempt in several years at writing something other than sermons.  Sharing those words and pictures afterwards revealed a set of gifted, creative people - writers of far more impressive words than the ones that follow.

I wrote a lot about how my life had been, the thoughts I'd had about myself and the relationship with "God" that I'd had - based on what I thought that God was and what I thought he had said about people.  I later cut down those words to three lines.

 
With fractured head and heart I said the right words and lied.
My fundamental fault was all I saw but could not find
and mercy was pleaded for and the gift of freedom rejected.


And then I turned to life as I saw it by then - a lot had changed.  I chose a verse from the Biblical psalms.  A verse I'd heard many times before but not accepted.  I couldn't accept because it wasn't how I saw myself.  The following is some of what was written that day.  I believe now that this is true of me.  Not just true of me - but true for every human being who has lived or will ever live.

We are all wonderful, splendid, magnificent creatures.


Psalm 139:14:    I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.    Wonderful are your works;        this I know very well.


You O God made me, created in beauty.
You O God made me, and you saw that I was good.

Can I reject the divinely inspired splendour that is me?
Can I reject this glorious being you embrace?

I am your wonderful work
    Enlighten me of the wonders of my uniqueness.
That I may Know Your love
    And weep in the freedom of thankfulness.

Beautiful lover, bowing to me, kissing your child
Teach me my beauty
    that passionate, extravagant thankfulness may thrive,
So all I can do is bow to you;
    Kissing you, my creator
    Kissing your child, my salvation
    Kissing your spirit, my comfort.

You created me in magnificent beauty,
And God saw that I was very good.



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